a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
