You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
