Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
