im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize