i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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