We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
