so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
