I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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