The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need to sanitize my soul.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
