it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have post one night stand depression
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