She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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