Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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