my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
