I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
