I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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