I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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