Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
