bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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