What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
