i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
