how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
