nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
