You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
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