I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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