I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
