he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
