Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
