Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
