Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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