maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
