i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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