god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
