Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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