yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
