at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My ass is underappreciated
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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