just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
