i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize