Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
