nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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