There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There r osticjed everywhere
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
