and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
