highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
