Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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