This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
