part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
