ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
