And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
