his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
