you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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