So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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