have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
