Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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