Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
