in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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