My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
