hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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