My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
