matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
