god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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