On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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