I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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