dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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