A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
